Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Making a toast


How to Make a Wedding Toast


from wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit

If someone close to you is getting married, you're probably going to want to make a toast at their wedding and show the couple how happy you are for them. But if you've never made a toast before, and your tongue gets tied and palms get sweaty just thinking about it, you might be looking for some guidance. While what you say on their special day is up to you, there are some common conventions as to how it's said.

Steps


  1. Write the toast. This is your chance to honor the couple, so don't wait until the night before the wedding to think of what you're going to say. Even if you want to be spontaneous, it's good to have a toast written in case your mind goes blank. The toast should be short, sweet, and personal. A humorous quote or story can add a nice touch, just keep it tasteful. Anecdotes that involve nakedness, drunkenness, or ex-significant others of the couple could make the moment very awkward for yourself, the couple, and the guests!
  2. Make notes. You might get flashbacks of making presentations in school, but putting notes on index cards really is a good idea, especially if you're not confident in your public speaking abilities. Don't write your entire speech out word-for-word...You don't want to spend the entirety of the toast staring at your index cards and sounding like a robot. Instead, include short quotes or key phrases like "Talk about meeting bride for first time, mention how comfortable they were with each other." The idea is for the note to jog your memory, but the actual wording should be off the top of your head, provided you follow the next step.
  3. Practice your speech. Get a kitchen timer, a mirror, and an audience (any combination of people and stuffed animals will do, as long as they have eyes and can sit still like attentive wedding guests). Rehearse your speech in its entirety as if you were at the wedding. Modify your index cards as needed. Keep practicing until you feel at ease with the toast.
    • Go through all the motions. Imagine where the audience is sitting, for example, and pretend to make gestures and eye contact in that direction.
    • Insert strategic pauses to add emphasis. Doing so will also help prevent you from rushing through the speech.
    • Keep your toast to around two minutes. If you find yourself talking quickly (which is likely if you're nervous) make a conscious effort to slow down.

  4. Wait for your turn. Timing is everything. Chances are, you're not the only one who wants to make a toast. Your order in the line-up depends on your relationship to the bride and groom.
    • In formal weddings, the toast is usually given after the meal. If the couple is cutting a wedding cake for dessert, the toast is given after the cutting but before dessert. But if it's a less formal or afternoon wedding, the toasting often takes place after the couple's first dance.[1]
    • If there is a toastmaster (which may be the case in a formal, traditional wedding), follow his or her cues. If there is no toastmaster, the best man might be expected to coordinate the toasts.
    • One traditional order for toasts is as follows:[2]
      • To the couple, by the father of the bride or an old friend of the family.
      • To the health of the bridesmaids, normally by the groom.
      • To the health of the parents of the couple, normally by the best man.

    • More commonly, the best man gives the first toast, followed by the fathers, the groom, the bride, family friends, relatives, maid or matron of honor, the mothers and anyone else who would like to.[3]

  5. Stand up. Look around and check that all glasses (including yours) are full before making the toast. There should be wine, champagne, or something that looks like wine or champagne in your glass, as toasting with water is offensive in some cultures.[4]
  6. Raise your glass to the person you're toasting. While many people associate making a toast with tapping the side of your glass with a utensil, consider that you might damage fine crystal at a formal affair.[5] To play it safe, say "I'd like to make a toast" in a firm voice and wait.
  7. Announce your relationship to the couple. Some people at the wedding might not know who you are, so making this clear at the beginning will avoid any confusion. Bring your glass down as you start to speak, but continue holding it in one hand (unless you're holding both a microphone and notes).
  8. Give the speech. Look at the person you're toasting to, but also shift eye contact towards the guests occasionally.
  9. End the toast on a positive note. Include a formal indication to inform them of the ending of the toast and what to say next. For example: "Let us now toast the happiness of Jill and Jack. To Jill and Jack!" As you say this, wave your glass to all, then tip it towards the person you are toasting to, or clink their glass if you're close enough.[6] Then clink your glass gently with those around you and sip (don't gulp or chug) your drink.
  10. Sit down and wait for the next toast. If the person you toasted to offers a toast in response, remain seated and don't raise your glass; just say "Thank you", smile and sip your drink when they're done!


Tips


  • Since weddings are as individual as the couples that have them, feel free to adjust your words and the toasting conventions to suit the occasion.
  • Usually, the people in the wedding party are more familiar with one half of the newly married couple than the other. Try to get to know that other person as much as possible, and include something that relates to a unique aspect of both the bride and groom - something about their personality or their interests.
  • The toast will certainly be colored by the lens you view the couple through, but check to be sure that the star in the toast is the couple (or at least the half of the couple you know) and not the person giving it.
  • It can be tempting to do a short, sweet and generic toast. But the couple would probably like something a little more personal, otherwise it may seem like you didn't care about this duty, or that the couple isn't interesting enough to be the subject of a toast.
  • Bring tissues if you think you may shed a few tears while you're speaking.


Warnings


  • Don't drink before you toast. Your speech should be spoken, not slurred.
  • Speeches that dwell on how difficult marriage is, however realistic, can make it sound like the couple is doomed to fail.
  • An audience will be very forgiving as long as your toast is heartfelt, decent, and relatively short. A TV commercial is only 30 seconds long. Only confident speakers should go longer than a minute and a half.
  • Avoid inside jokes as well as other references which might be deemed inappropriate for the occasion.
  • Do not use this event as a way to kick-start your comedy career. If you tell a joke and it bombs, finish up as quickly as possible.


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Sources and Citations



  1. ↑ http://www.weddingpaperdivas.com/wedding-toasts.htm

  2. ↑ http://www.finespeeches.com/help/wedding_speeches_etiquette.html

  3. ↑ http://www.lovegevity.com/engagement/features/wedding_toast.html

  4. ↑ http://media.www.harbus.org/media/storage/paper343/news/2004/12/13/News/Top-Eight.Tips.For.Making.A.Toast-828608.shtml

  5. ↑ http://southshoreweddings.com/articles/072.shtml

  6. ↑ http://www.rediff.com/getahead/2005/jan/17toast.htm



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